Misplaced Nostalgia

One of the cliches that seems to be prevalent, at least in the sphere of “Western” thought, is the notion that childhood is somehow a time of purity and bliss. In that often-entertained stereotype, there’s an aura of nostalgic longing that many people seem to assume should be the default way of thinking about one’s earliest years. (Setting aside the issue that this stereotype is of very limited applicability to begin with) While I don’t doubt that some people’s childhoods were genuinely blissful in the sense that there was a lot of simple enjoyment involved, I think that longing for childhood and idealizing the period is a way to deceive oneself.

First of all, the obvious realization should be that childhood is not really a period of such purity as people would like to think. Children are generally uncritical of both their moral and hygienic principles, which makes them metaphorically and literally likely to have dirt under their fingernails. Children can and do bully each other from an early age, as well as hurt animals out of sheer curiosity. And when not all of them grow out of such behaviour, we see and label the adult as deviant, cruel and wicked – pretending that it’s something that only adults take part in.

But one could also think that childhood is a blissful period simply because it’s a time before one gets to taste the full complexity of life. If your life was similar to the optimistic childhood stereotype, then, as a child, you didn’t have to worry about taxes, jobs, corruption in politics, mortgages, war or any other adult topic. You were completely unaware of the notion of cheating in a relationship, and the biggest dilemma might have been which television show to watch. Compare this to your life as an adult, and it seems clear as a day that your childhood was better – no worries, no debts, just playing and resting. Then, teenage years came along and destroyed everything and made you miserable.

This sort of explanation is as alluring as it is shallow. Childhood was better because there were more things that you liked than there are now. What it doesn’t say is why exactly life is that way, and why do people think they had more of the things they liked in childhood. I think the reason the analysis stops here is that most people don’t really like to admit that their childhood doesn’t only feel more free, it genuinely was more free. And not only in the simplistic sense that a parent would pay for something you wanted, but in the deeper sense that what you wanted was closer to how you felt. As children, before we are introduced into the wider world, and before we are acquainted with notions such as fashion, expectations, grades and other problems created by other people, we have no reason to not pursue our genuine interests. We might have no clue, but we surely have conviction. If the process of “growing up” amounts mostly to getting used to the idea that other people are going to force you to do things the way they want – whether they are schoolmates who would ostracize you for not liking what they like, or your boss who will fire you for working too slowly – then it’s no wonder that what came before seems idyllic.

Therefore, I think that people who feel nostalgic towards their early youth are in reality just feeling a misplaced sense of loss. The passing of childhood symbolized replacement of their values with those constructed by other people and a loss of self-direction. Their unwillingness to either stand up to or get used to the situation they are in now is recast as a mythical loss of purity.

Nostalgia about your early years is therefore more like indulging a fantastic vision – it wasn’t like that, but what you do is substitute reflection on your current state with wishful thoughts about the past. It’s not your childhood that is blessed, it’s your life right now that is miserable.

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